Our children... are His children

I had written these thoughts about "Our Children" in 2008, five years after they had all married and left our house very quiet and a little empty. By then I actually had time to reminisce about all those years I was allowed to co-labor with the Father (in a very minuscule way, of course) with the molding and shaping of the 3 little lives that He had blessed me with. I realized, after the fact, that there was more than one way to look at each and every opportunity I had as their mother. And it had become way too easy to question whether I had done a good job with the years I had with them. So I share this with all of you now because I do believe I would have been encouraged if someone had said these things to me during this season of life. Of course, it's much easier to look backward and see that the Father was there every single minute, of every single day, of every single year. Even in those times when I felt alone and inadequate, He was there desperately trying to cheer me on, and remind me that HE HAD CHOSEN ME to love on them for as long as He allowed. And as these little ones became bigger ones, I had to believe that He was walking beside me on every step of this journey called parenting... and He was walking beside them as they were becoming more and more independent. Who better to be partnered with than the One who created me, and who created them, and who loved all of us more than we could ever love each other... if you can even imagine that!

                       Thoughts on "OUR Children" 

I believe nothing in life will cause a woman to experience so much joy and yet, so much pain as our own children. Is that possible? Our children steal our hearts early on and we spend the rest of our lives trying to figure out how to find peace in our hearts concerning them.

• We want them to be able to depend on us, but we don't want them to fear    independence or shelter them from the joy of living their own life... 
• We want to keep them safe, but we don't want them to be afraid of others or afraid to live life...
• We want to make them strong in character, but we don't want them to ever think they don't need us in their lives...
• We want them to think for themselves, but we don't want them to quit asking for our advice...
• We want them to trust the Father, but we are afraid to release them into the Father's hands.

I am amazed that the Father ever chose to give us such an awesome privilege, that of raising HIS children. He must have known that we would sometimes make bad choices and occasionally forget what He said, and even refuse at times to follow through with what we know to be the right response.

• He must have seen our inadequacies…
• and our weaknesses…
• and our stubbornness…
• and our selfishness...
• and He must have loved us just like we love our children… 
• enough to look past the pain and instead to choose to to delight in the moments that are beautiful…
• because all the other “stuff” in this world pale in comparison to the joy of having each other.

Today I know that we have been blessed as mothers with this amazing gift of unconditional love for our children…

who are actually, ultimately, forever… HIS children.  

The Lewis Train Station

I recently found some journal entries that I had done 12 years ago. I was actually surprised that I had written those things down since there are so many thoughts I wish I had written down back in those days. Even though I am in a different season of life, I believe that some of what I said back then might just be what someone else needs to hear today. And even though my perspective is slightly different now days, I still remember well every single one of those emotions.   Sooooo, this is for all those who are in ever-changing seasons... and wishing they weren't changing so fast. I have learned that God is good even when you don't see His goodness. I will never quit sharing my Jesus with my family... and will always pray for them to know and experience for themselves His love and grace and mercy! 

2004: The Lewis Train Station - a fairly accurate picture of what life is like at my house lately. The "train" stops here occasionally and then it is off again to another destination. Occasionally family gathers and hugs are exchanged and conversations catch everyone up on everyone else's life out there in the real world... and then off again they go.
     Sometimes I understand how women can go through a "midlife" crisis about now... what ever happened to MY life, because it appears that I have lived for everyone else's happiness, and the very thing that has brought me so much happiness thus far... which is being their momma, has been overshadowed by their new identity as a husband or a wife... or a daddy or a momma... which are all beautiful things I prayed for them to become.  
     I think that is what makes being a Nana so amazing... in this season of life, when I don't see that I've accomplished much at all, and I don't have a clue what the future holds... and I sure don't feel good about what I look like today, (I'm how old???). I occasionally wonder if I have missed out on "something" along the way. And then this beautiful little guy comes along and he absolutely loves me and lights up when he sees me, and the best thing is that all he wants is just for his Nana to play with him. How awesome is that!
      Our emerging, ever changing role as "the parent" in our children's lives is so totally different than anything I ever expected. Of course no one could ever really prepare you for this season of life... and you never would have believed them even if they tried. Everything changes and you often feel helpless. But the truth is that you learn to really appreciate the slightest effort on their part to let you be a participant in their world. I only wish my mom was still around so I could express my appreciation for the way she handled me when I thought I was so grown up at 18... and 22... and even 33. That's how old I was the last time I had a chance to tell her how amazing she really was! I remember how seldom she made me feel guilty for waiting so long inbetween phone calls... or taking time to come home for a hug. Now days, I am usually whining (and occasionally silently pouting) when I don't get to see my grandbabies at least twice a week!
      I find it hard after all these years, to accept my life can no longer be totally consumed with my kids happiness. Just because their schedules demanded it for so long, it surprises a momma when the demands are fewer and farther between, and it leaves you wondering what is going to be that important in your life now. Of course you are blessed if you have a man that loves you and longs to have you all to himself... finally. (and I am blessed with one) But who are you now... who will "need" you in the days, and months, and years ahead... who can you offer to take care of when they're sick, and will they be willing to take care of you when you are old? Who even notices your presence in the room... and who will even notice when you're no longer present on this earth? This is the season that you begin to consider what legacy you will leave behind when you leave this temporary life... 
     My only hope is that I leave behind a lifetime supply of sweet memories that my children and now, my grandchildren, will share with their own little ones. I hope that, as they are making sweet memories in new and perhaps different ways... that they will choose to make a few of their own family memories in the same ways. I hope they will share the amazing miracles we experienced as we loved the Lord and loved His flock and loved each other. 
     Is that too much to ask for? A legacy of a momma... and a Nana... who loved well?