Have you ever been in “that” place?
You know… that overwhelming, exhausting, empty, grieving place? Were you
grieving for something or someone you once had… and found yourself struggling
to admit that you still desperately wanted them in your life for that
moment in time? Did you silently ask all the wrong questions, until finally, you realized that the One who loves you
most has all the right answers?
Often I have struggled to truly live
in the “present”. I hold on to the sweetest memories, and sadly, the
bitter moments of the “past”, the very things that crowd out the joy of the Father’s presence
in the “now”. I have quietly struggled with what isn’t… instead of being openly
thankful for the reality of what is. I have wrestled with that ongoing fear of what might be
waiting for me some place down the road, instead of celebrating
what Jesus Himself has invited me to experience in this place… the very place
He has led me to right now.
So often, just before I've picked up a pen and
paper, my scribblings have begun with a desperate
cry, one full of questions … and pain… and unrest. And yet Jesus meets me right
where I am. I find myself wrapped in His arms, His Holy Spirit quietly whispering His promise of peace and mercy, and then He invites me into His rest. It is in that
moment that I allow Him to fill up the empty places left in my soul with
Himself… His presence, His love and His joy. Yes, I am even filled with His joy in this weary
moment and in this foreign place.
If you look on my poetry page today you will find something I wrote years ago. As I sat at my Mom’s bedside for almost 5
weeks, painfully watching her breathe what might be her last at any moment, I
watched her struggle and found myself struggling… knowing in my heart that
she never wanted to be on life support. But I listened to my Dad tell her that he
was longing for the day he would take her home & cook for her & care
for her once more. And in that dark place, I found myself desperately asking Jesus to give me a
little more time with her. But right there in my selfishness, in my pain,
in that place of unrest… He began to fill up the empty caverns in my soul with
Himself… with His presence, His love, His joy and especially His rest. As I
released her into His waiting arms, I exhaled and I relaxed… and then I relinquished my
own weary grip.
It was in those weak and weary
moments that He revealed to me this truth… that it’s not necessary for you or I to be
strong enough to hold onto Him. He is the One who holds tightly on
to us. I am discovering that so often the Father allows the emptiness, the
exhaustion, the grief for this very purpose... that He might draw us to Himself.
And in that moment we will experience what it feels like to “rest in His grip”.
This is beautiful, Dartha! Thank you for sharing your heart. In your sharing you provide wisdom and understanding, for we all struggle with these same issues.
ReplyDeleteNancy, you are one of the most encouraging gifts the Father has sent to me as I traveled along this winding journey called life. We've been in and out of each others lives over the years... first in church, then you leading my exercise workouts, and more recently, enjoying many great discussions about Jesus and about writing. Your friendship is a blessing!
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